How To Avoid Divorce

Every marriage hits a rough spot occasionally.  And while not every marriage should attempt to be salvaged, a great many more than are saved today should and can be through concerted efforts.  So, the first step in avoiding divorce is recognizing that the fact that you have come to this point in your relationship is not unusual, but it does indicate that something must change if it is to survive.

But before you go through a mental litany of everything that needs to change as justification for giving up, realize that there is help out there and if you are willing to put in the time and commitment, you can make your marriage work even when it seems that you and your partner have reached the end of the road.

 Marriage Counselling

Marriage counselling can be a very effective instrument in putting a marriage that seems to be going down the divorce path back onto the right track. Counselling helps couples to identify the root of their marital problems and solve them with a little help from a professional counsellor trained in mediation. Finding an effective marriage counsellor, however, requires a bit of work on your part.

 Many counsellors will offer a free consultation.  Ask for recommendations from friends, but in part you should call 10 or so counsellors, ask for their price packages ahead of time and then schedule consultations with the 3 or 4 that meet your pricing needs.  Make sure that when you go into these consultations you grade the effectiveness on how BOTH you and your spouse feel about the individual.


Self Help

There are also many self-help tools available in the market today. There are some excellent books and articles on how to make marriages work, how to re-ignite the spark in a relationship and how a few simple steps can bring back the love in a relationship that had turned hateful.

Both partners can get a lot of inspiration, advice and ideas on how to make relationships work from such books and articles. You can even find help when you think there is infidelity in your marriage. There are books and articles out there, which tell you why people cheat or stray out of line and what you can do about it.

The common thread in all of these self help guides is communication and understanding.  By making an effort to understand where your spouse is coming from, and them where you are, and then making compromises and communicating, most marital problems will become alleviated.

Resorts

Then there are many resorts that are specially designed to create an ambience which is conducive to romance. These vacation packages are easy to find and require only that you be on the look out.  The point of these resorts is to reinvigorate a relationship by introducing some of the passion and spontaneity that over time can be watered down by obligations and daily responsibilities.

These events attempt to eliminate outside stresses so that you can focus on your spouse, and in so doing rekindle the love you feel for one another.

All in all, if you are willing to put in your best efforts to stop your marriage from slipping away, there is now help at hand and you need not have to fight alone.

By utilizing the tools of counsellors, self help and resorts you can go a long way to giving your marriage the best chance for survival. But beyond survival, these tools can help ensure you a happy lifelong relationship.

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Rekindling A Marriage After An Affair

Learning to rebuild trust after the marriage suffers from infidelity takes commitment, time and a great deal of bravery. It is often hard to carry on with the relationship when the trust is broken and to rebuild your marriage, you will have to find the capacity to forgive your spouse. Although you can never forget the pain and hurt your spouse brought you with the affair, after a period of time with suitable healing techniques, the pain and hurt will diminished a little and learning to forgive your spouse is the way to progress with your marriage.

Feelings Of Emotion Is Normal

You have to recognize the fact that after the trust has been abused in terrible way, in the beginning you will feel extremely hurt and have feelings of utter devastation. After the initial emotions had faded, you will start to feel great anger and bitterness and these are extremely normal and is part of a grieving process. You felt this way because the special bond between you and your spouse has been broken, gone and died. You need to mourn this loss and it has to be replace with something else.

Unfortunately, some marriages cannot survive the initial as the betrayed spouses cannot deal with this affair. The marriage may still continue but without forgiveness, the betrayed spouse may turn into a bitter person and may manifest into hate.

Start The Healing Process By Talking To Your Spouse

It may seem to be a very hard thing to do but part of the healing process is to be able to speak to your spouse about the affair. It is also important to try to stay calm when asking important questions such as, if the affair an isolated case? Do you feel any remorse or hurt by the act of infidelity? Are you willing to change and commit yourself to rebuild the marriage? These are the some of the many questions that need to be asked and answered.

At the end of the day, it is you who have to decide whether if you are willing to support your spouse through this difficult period and are you willing to forgive your spouse and rebuild marriage with him? If you think you can and if you think your spouse is sincerely to make amends, then it is really a good idea to talk to a marriage counselor to help you and your spouse to work things out.

How To Save And Rebuild My Marriage

Rebuilding trust in a broken relationship or marriage is a long and difficult process. Discover how to rebuild marriage yourself, get your spouse to change and how to communicate effectively.

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Are You Having Trouble Connecting With Your Partner?

A relationship takes hard work, commitment and sacrifice ¾ none of which can be done in a light-hearted manner. What are you willing to do to connect on a deeper level with your partner? Here are some suggestions to maximize your satisfaction and your partner’s in order to achieve lifelong relationship success.

Details:

What’s All the Fuss About, Anyways?

·         Connection – A bond between two people in a relationship that when nurtured has the power to help a relationship grow stronger over time and contribute to an amazing sex life.

·         Emotional and physical connections – These connections must be worked on continuously.

·         Intimacy – You need intimacy in the bedroom for a man’s satisfaction and emotional intimacy for a women’s satisfaction.  Both lead to overall relationship happiness for a lifetime.

·         Show You Care – Create opportunity for stronger connection through small gestures of appreciation and love, such as texting each other during your work day, taking over making dinner or doing the dishes, speaking kindly, easing your partner’s hard day by bringing him or her a glass of wine in bed, etc.

Eat Breakfast Together

·         Focus on romance first thing in the morning. Breakfast in bed is a great chance to build a connection that lasts all day.

·         Having breakfast together at the dining room table every morning is a solid daily ritual that can improve your connection.

·         Bring out your partner’s favorite foods, and enjoy making breakfast together once a week as a bonding exercise.

·         Do you watch TV while eating breakfast? Commit to turning it off during this sacred time you can connect and focus on each other.

Hold Hands More

·         Focus on the touch – Holding hands is the easiest way to increase the frequency in which you touch. Hold hands while you eat, sit on the couch or when you have a discussion with each other.

·         Kiss each other’s hands – Focus on making your partner feel good. Every time you hold hands, you’re strengthening your bond. Hold hands every chance you get.

Focus on Couples Time Daily

·         Don’t miss out on opportunities to bond over each other’s day. Let your partner have some time to unwind after getting home from work; then focus on each other.

·         What was your partner’s day like, and what was yours like? Go over the highlights, and then give specifics. You can’t form a stronger connection if you aren’t detailed about your work life.

Turn Off the TV and Computer

·         Turn off the TV, computer, iPad and phone to give your partner your full attention.

·         Turn off all devices that you are used to having on that keep your attention more than your partner.

·         Make a list of electronic devices you use every day, and turn them off when your partner gets home. Turn on some soft music instead.

Check In Throughout Your Day

·         Go six-eight hours without speaking, texting or emailing your partner? That’s way too long!

·         Fill in the gaps of time you’re not together by making your phone your best friend. Text your partner short and sweet messages. For example: “Let’s meet during our lunch hour. Can’t wait to see you!” or “How’s your morning going? Hope you’re having a great day!”

Conclusion

When you spend time connecting with your partner both emotionally and physically, you’ll be able to better handle the rough patches of your relationship. Follow these tips, and you’ll increase your happiness! 

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Reasons Why Men Lie

Introduction

For most women, trust is the most valuable component of the relationship. If she can trust him fully and completely, most of her relationship issues wouldn’t exist. This is why most women will have “honesty” as the first word that comes to mind after “funny” when they are asked what they are looking for in a guy. But the cold hard truth is that men lie. Women do too, of course, but men do it far more often and for much different reasons. If more women knew why men lied, it might keep them from getting hurt, and could even help them spot it sooner. In fact, knowing why men lie will also help women pick out the good apples from the bad. When women know why men are lying, not only might they feel more secure in their relationships, but maybe, just maybe, fewer fights will break out by the day’s end.

The Details

• Because he thinks he’s helping. A different wording to this reason is “Because he’s trying to avoid a fight.” Enter the age-old question, “Does this dress make me look fat?” and you understand this point in an instant. He can’t win this one, no matter how he answers. So he lies. What many women forget is that it doesn’t matter what his answer is; if he is with her, he thinks she’s beautiful whether she’s wearing that dress or one of the five she tried on before it. For him, bullet dodged.
• Because he has a fragile ego. Fragile, but large. Too large to tell you he has feelings, but fragile enough to remind you he is human once in a while. After Neil Simon wrote his play Come Blow Your Horn he went to work every day telling his wife he was working on his second play, when he wasn’t, and was too embarrassed to tell her otherwise.
• Because he wants to build up his ego. This lie occurs when he’s with men more frequently than when he’s with women. “I kept her up all night” or “I’m going to be making six figures any day now,” things like that. This simply goes back to the primate need of puffing himself up in front of other male members of the species. If women are around, these lies get even bigger. For example, he may tell the couple friends you are having dinner with that he can bench 250 too, and you may wonder what he’s talking about when he hasn’t been to the gym in five years.
• Because he’s just not that into you anymore. The most unfortunate reason of all: He is falling out of love. “No, sorry, won’t be able to call when I land, I don’t even know where I’ll be once the convention even starts.” Using qualifiers like “even” repeatedly, a higher pitch in his voice or a lack of details are clues that you are falling victim to this reason.
• Because he’s trying to get out of something. This will be a chore around the house, a new project at work, a new level of commitment with you. One of the top reasons women lie to men also. “No sorry, washing my hair that night.” Sound familiar?
• Because he can get away with it. Men may not always be great liars, but they aren’t stupid either. They will lie when they know they can get away with it. If he tells you that he graduated at the top of the class, he knows you aren’t going to check. This goes back to the ego booster as well.
• Because he truly believes you might turn into a psycho chick if he tells you the truth. Unfortunately some women before you may have colored his perception of the opposite sex. You can’t blame him; his half has done the same to you, which is why you refer to many men you once dated as psychos or stalkers yourself. You can decrease your chances of becoming victim to this one by … never acting like a psycho chick. When he sees your calm, cool attitude all of the time, he will be more willing to be honest with you.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that men lie for self-preservation most of the time. Although you think his little white lies or big whoppers are reason enough to start a fight, that’s exactly what he’s trying to avoid. And when that’s not the case, he’s doing so because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, even if you really deserve the truth, like, “my girlfriend thinks it’s time to break up.” Men aren’t as in touch with their emotive centers as women, so it’s not as easy for them to just open up and give it to you in real talk. When you know why he’s fibbing, though, it makes your job that much easier. And when he has a history with you knowing that you don’t go all loco when the truth comes out, he will be that much more willing in the future to give you just that.

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